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I have no evidence but myself.
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| because april is poetry month... |
[Apr. 9th, 2006|11:03 pm] |
“Nothing” (James Fenton)
"I take a jewel from a junk-shop tray
And I wish I had a love to buy it for.
Nothing I choose will make you turn my way
Nothing I give will make you love me more.
I know that I've embarrassed you too long
And I'm ashamed to linger at your door.
Whatever I embark on will be wrong
Nothing I do will make you love me more.
I cannot work. I cannot read or write.
How can I frame a letter to implore.
Eloquence is a lie. The truth is trite.
Nothing I say will make you love me more.
So I replace the jewel in the tray
And laughingly pretend I'm far too poor.
Nothing I give, nothing I do or say,
Nothing I am will make you love me more."
*
“The Harlot's House” (Oscar Wilde)
We caught the tread of dancing feet,
We loitered down the moonlit street,
And stopped beneath the harlot's house.
Inside, above the din and fray,
We heard the loud musicians play
The "Treues Liebes Herz" of Strauss.
Like strange mechanical grotesques,
Making fantastic arabesques,
The shadows raced across the blind.
We watched the ghostly dancers spin
To sound of horn and violin,
Like black leaves wheeling in the wind.
Like wire-pulled automatons,
Slim silhouetted skeletons
Went sidling through the slow quadrille.
They took each other by the hand,
And danced a stately saraband;
Their laughter echoed thin and shrill.
Sometimes a clockwork puppet pressed
A phantom lover to her breast,
Sometimes they seemed to try to sing.
Sometimes a horrible marionette
Came out, and smoked its cigarette
Upon the steps like a live thing.
Then, turning to my love, I said,
"The dead are dancing with the dead,
The dust is whirling with the dust."
But she-she heard the violin,
And left my side and entered in:
Love passed into the house of lust.
Then suddenly the tune went false,
The dancers wearied of the waltz,
The shadows ceased to wheel and whirl.
And down the long and silent street,
The dawn, with silver-sandaled feet,
Crept like a frightened girl.
*
“Mad Girl's Love Song” (Sylvia Plath)
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
*
“In the Desert” (Stephen Crane)
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter – bitter", he answered,
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."
*
“mind and heart” (Charles Bukowski)
unaccountably we are alone
forever alone
and it was meant to be
this way,
it was never meant to be
any other way—
and when the death struggle
begins
the last thing I wish to see
is
a ring of human faces
hovering over me—
better just my old friends,
the walls of my self,
let only them be there.
I have been alone but seldom
lonely.
I have satisfied my thirst
at the well
of my self
and that wine was good,
the best I ever had,
and tonight
sitting
staring into the dark
I now finally understand
the dark and the
light and everything
in between.
peace of mind and heart
arrives
when we accept what
is:
having been
born into this
strange life
we must accept
the wasted gamble of our
days
and take some satisfaction in
the pleasure of
leaving it all
behind.
cry not for me.
grieve not for me.
read
what I’ve written
then
forget it
all.
drink from the well
of your self
and begin
again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2006|09:33 pm] |
holy shit...its been almost two months since i last updated. just a note to let you all know that im still alive. cuz i know you care, haha. seriously, im on myspace more than this...just not very often there, either. www.myspace.com/selfdestructedego.
word. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2006|11:43 pm] |
Vamp-Clinger!
You scored and 75 vampbaitness! |
Another vampire-lover. Be careful of mysterious strangers that you bump
into during the night. If you meet one, ask them straight-away if they
are a vampire. If they are, then you should probably run. Problem is,
you probably will choose not to run. | | |
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 63% on vampbaitness |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|12:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "phone call" by the faint | ] |
just a quick update.
im still alive haha.
i posted a books read list in my info, just for kicks.
if you still want to keep up with my life, check out my myspace: www.myspace.com/selfdestructedego. i dont update that much, either, but i update it more than this lj. eventually, i'll just delete this one. i dunno.
hope everyones holidays are going well.
later! |
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| cuz i can |
[Nov. 14th, 2005|10:44 am] |
| [ | music |
| | "humbled in love" by leonard cohen | ] |
five years.....
Five years ago, it was Fall 2000
Take this quiz, post the results, and see how much things have changed since then.
5 years ago...
How old were you? 16
What grade were you in? 11th
Where did you go to school? Cumberland Valley
Where did you work? in fall of 2000? nowhere.
Where did you live? bowmansdale *gags* ...another month and id be in carlisle
Where did you hang out? my room
How was your hair style? kind of long but shaved on the sides and underneath
Did you wear braces? nahh
Did you wear glasses? always
Who was your best friend? probably ian
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend? krysten
Who was your celebrity crush? not sure but probably kirsten dunst
Who was your regular-person crush? uhh?
Were you a virgin? no...
How many piercings did you have? maybe four? three in one ear, one in the other?
How many tattoos did you have? 2
What was your favorite band? stabbing westward or rorschach test
What was your biggest fear? going to school
Had you smoked a cigarette yet? took exactly one drag and said, and i quote, "fuck that"
Had you gotten drunk or high yet? no
Had you driven yet? only rarely...only had my permit
-----------------------------------------------
HA HA HA!!! LETS SEE WHAT YOU'RE like now!!!!!
---------------------------------------------
How old are you? 21
Whats your educational status? senior (year 1 of 2, hahaha)
Where do you go to school? kutztown university
Where do you work? tutor german on campus
Where do u live? on campus, but my actual home is in carlisle
Where do you hang out? at ku? library, dining hall, my room
How is your hair style? much shorter and more curly
Do you wear braces? nope
Do you wear glasses? of course
Who is your best friend? jason, april, amber, selina. shoot me, i chose four.
Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend? n/a...
Who is your celebrity crush? scarlett johansson
Still a Virgin? ...lets think about this.
How many piercings do you have? 8
How many tattoos do you have? 9 haha
What is your favorite band? leonard cohen or rammstein
What is your biggest fear? being a POW and tortured to death. dont ask.
Have you gotten drunk or high yet? still no
Have you driven yet? duh...but not all the time, only when i have to
*****
what a waste of time ^_^ |
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| big news |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|03:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "stranger song (live)" by leonard cohen | ] |
well, not that big.
im officially done with being an english ed major. instead im going to change to english lit with a minor in german, get my masters, and find a job teaching at the college level. if a teacher teaches, does a professor profess? i dont know...
anyway, i think im better suited for that scenario, for a variety of reasons i wont get into here. its more work, what with researching and publishing when not teaching, but im up for it. you know me...the writer. either way, i feel really good about this. im still going to be teaching, but it will be a different setting with a different age group and i like the sound of that.
thats all. |
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| also in my profile...found in my lit crit class today |
[Nov. 2nd, 2005|06:42 pm] |
"Our culture has metamorphosed this idea of narrative, or writing, as something designed to ward off death. Writing has become linked to sacrifice, even to the sacrifice of life: it is now a voluntary effacement which does not need to be represented in books, since it is brought about in the writer's very existence. The work, which once had the duty of providing immortality, now possesses the right to kill, to be its author's murderer, as in the cases of Flaubert, Proust, and Kafka. That is not all, however: this relationship between writing and death is also manifested in the effacement of the writing subject's individual characteristics...the mark of the writer is reduced to nothing more than the singularity of his absence; he must assume the role of the dead man in the game of writing."
--Michel Foucault |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2005|11:03 pm] |
|
just a note that i updated my profile. its still not very exciting, but hey. |
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| books! |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|12:45 am] |
so i definitely just finished "november mourns," the new tom piccirilli book. i emailed him and told him how amazing it was (it definitely was), and that one of his older books, "a choir of ill children," got me into his work. and he definitely wrote me back within the hour.
wow.
rosa parks is dead at 92. she died yesterday.
no, she didnt get run over by a bus. |
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| stolen from queerxcore |
[Oct. 15th, 2005|11:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | some tv show | ] |
| Favorite Lyrics | | What is your favorite lyric by. . . | | A Perfect Circle:: | "I don't want to feel this overwhelming hostility" | | AFI:: | "Recognize one silent call as we all form one dark flame" | | Bright Eyes:: | n/a | | Britney Spears:: | n/a | | Christina Aguilera:: | n/a | | Coldplay:: | "Lights go out and I can't be saved" | | Dashboard Confessional:: | n/a | | Evanescence:: | "I want to die" | | Eve 6:: | "Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion" | | Faith Hill:: | n/a | | Frankie J:: | n/a | | Hilary Duff: | n/a | | Incubus: | "The world's a rollercoaster and I a'm not strapped in" | | Jessica Simpson: | n/a | | John Mayer:: | "Never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it" | | Joni Mitchell:: | n/a | | Kidney Thieves:: | "Said I was an afterthought you'd bring along" | | Lamb:: | n/a | | Lifehouse:: | "I've got somebody else's thoughts in my head, I want some of my own" | | Mandy Moore:: | n/a | | Michelle Branch:: | n/a | | Nirvana:: | "Never speak a word again, I will crawl away for good" | | Norah Jones:: | n/a | | Our Lady Peace:: | "I walked around my good intentions and found that there were none, I blame my father for the wasted years" | | Portishead:: | n/a | | Radiohead:: | "I want to be someone else or I'll explode" | | Rasputina:: | "I give thanks today for the things I stole and all the things I gave away" | | Sarah Brightman:: | n/a | | Sarah McLachlan:: | n/a | | Simple Plan:: | n/a | | Smashing Pumpkins:: | "I'm in love with my sadness" | | Something Corporate:: | n/a | | Taking Back Sunday: | n/a | | The Cure:: | "Like the pig on the stairs hanging in a groovy purple shirt" | | Thursday:: | n/a | | Tori Amos:: | "Built my own pretty hate machine" | | The Used:: | n/a | | Vanessa Carlton:: | n/a | Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d |
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| a day early but close enough. |
[Oct. 11th, 2005|03:19 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | "benzin" by rammstein <3 | ] |
THE ULTIMATE SILENCE
October 12, 1998
Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts,
The impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves,
Then listen close to me ...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.
~ Shel Silverstein
Six years ago today, Matthew Shepard was murdered for being homosexual.
What will you do to end the silence?
Click here to post this on your own page or weblog |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2005|08:35 pm] |
|
i wrote most of this today in my archetypal women class, and i finished it up tonight. a friend of mine said its nothing like what i usually write, and i agree. the rhyme scheme seems awkward on paper (or screen) but its to the rhythm of leonard cohens "the stranger song." i know most of you dont know that song...sorry...but anyway, ( here it is! ) |
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| movie meme |
[Oct. 1st, 2005|08:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "momentum" by aimee mann | ] |
i know this is a little late by now, but i wanted to post the answers to the movie meme i put up a little while ago. there were a lot of good responses, but ironically only april got all of them (she doesnt have an lj though, so she didnt post them). anyway, here they are.
1. ghost world
2. pulp fiction
3. young frankenstein
4. rules of attraction
5. the crow
6. interview with the vampire
7. hackers
8. anchorman
9. boondock saints
10. camp
damn. i want to watch camp now. i heart that movie <333333333 |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 30th, 2005|01:16 am] |
my back is killing me.
specifically, my lower back.
im dying? |
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| school! w00t! (kind of) |
[Sep. 27th, 2005|09:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "the quest" by borknagar | ] |
todays linguistics class consisted of the prof (this is the big, kinda drunk looking guy) getting pissed bc he swore he told us to read chapter 10 for today, but he actually told us thursday instead. not tuesday. so not today. and i actually read it! but he used the quiz as a worksheet instead. damn. i couldve aced that bitch haha. then he went into how linguists "had orgasms" all over the country when they heard of siblings in CA who created their own language bc they were basically isolated. well it wasnt a new language, it was pidgen, or a hybrid of a language. their base language was german, thanks to the gma who would speak to them sometimes when she dropped off their food. nice woman. then he went into a rant about people saying sentences like "fuckin then we fuckin went to the fuckin store and fuckin he fuckin spent all his fuckin money and its fuckin..." his conclusion was that people who talk like that "are fuckin...sad." haha.
so i have an informal essay due tomorrow for literary criticism. ive decided that derrida is the antichrist. therefore his essays on binary opposition in deconstructivism must be the antichrists doctrines. fuckin A. just bc i had to suffer through writing this essay, im going to post it behind the cut and make you suffer as well haha. riiiiiight....just skim it. if you still have a pulse after the first paragraph, i'll give you a cookie.
( have EMS standing by ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2005|10:52 am] |
|
dreamed about the end of the world again...dont know why. this time zack and i were getting shit together to run to i dont know where, to get away from i dont know what (or whom). i know...really weird. oh well. i remember i was trying to get a leash for the cat. |
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ironarmoreros's journal
