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I have no evidence but myself.

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because april is poetry month... [Apr. 9th, 2006|11:03 pm]
I have no evidence but myself.
“Nothing” (James Fenton)
"I take a jewel from a junk-shop tray
And I wish I had a love to buy it for.
Nothing I choose will make you turn my way
Nothing I give will make you love me more.

I know that I've embarrassed you too long
And I'm ashamed to linger at your door.
Whatever I embark on will be wrong
Nothing I do will make you love me more.

I cannot work. I cannot read or write.
How can I frame a letter to implore.
Eloquence is a lie. The truth is trite.
Nothing I say will make you love me more.

So I replace the jewel in the tray
And laughingly pretend I'm far too poor.
Nothing I give, nothing I do or say,
Nothing I am will make you love me more."

*

“The Harlot's House” (Oscar Wilde)
We caught the tread of dancing feet,
We loitered down the moonlit street,
And stopped beneath the harlot's house.

Inside, above the din and fray,
We heard the loud musicians play
The "Treues Liebes Herz" of Strauss.

Like strange mechanical grotesques,
Making fantastic arabesques,
The shadows raced across the blind.

We watched the ghostly dancers spin
To sound of horn and violin,
Like black leaves wheeling in the wind.

Like wire-pulled automatons,
Slim silhouetted skeletons
Went sidling through the slow quadrille.

They took each other by the hand,
And danced a stately saraband;
Their laughter echoed thin and shrill.

Sometimes a clockwork puppet pressed
A phantom lover to her breast,
Sometimes they seemed to try to sing.

Sometimes a horrible marionette
Came out, and smoked its cigarette
Upon the steps like a live thing.

Then, turning to my love, I said,
"The dead are dancing with the dead,
The dust is whirling with the dust."

But she-she heard the violin,
And left my side and entered in:
Love passed into the house of lust.

Then suddenly the tune went false,
The dancers wearied of the waltz,
The shadows ceased to wheel and whirl.

And down the long and silent street,
The dawn, with silver-sandaled feet,
Crept like a frightened girl.

*

“Mad Girl's Love Song” (Sylvia Plath)
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

*

“In the Desert” (Stephen Crane)
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter – bitter", he answered,
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

*

“mind and heart” (Charles Bukowski)
unaccountably we are alone
forever alone
and it was meant to be
this way,
it was never meant to be
any other way—
and when the death struggle
begins
the last thing I wish to see
is
a ring of human faces
hovering over me—
better just my old friends,
the walls of my self,
let only them be there.

I have been alone but seldom
lonely.
I have satisfied my thirst
at the well
of my self
and that wine was good,
the best I ever had,
and tonight
sitting
staring into the dark
I now finally understand
the dark and the
light and everything
in between.

peace of mind and heart
arrives
when we accept what
is:
having been
born into this
strange life
we must accept
the wasted gamble of our
days
and take some satisfaction in
the pleasure of
leaving it all
behind.

cry not for me.

grieve not for me.

read
what I’ve written
then
forget it
all.

drink from the well
of your self
and begin
again.
link5 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Apr. 8th, 2006|09:33 pm]
I have no evidence but myself.
holy shit...its been almost two months since i last updated. just a note to let you all know that im still alive. cuz i know you care, haha. seriously, im on myspace more than this...just not very often there, either. www.myspace.com/selfdestructedego.
word.
link4 comments|post comment

just for fun [Feb. 13th, 2006|05:21 pm]
I have no evidence but myself.
Create your own Movie List @ HotFreeLayouts!
link1 comment|post comment

(no subject) [Feb. 1st, 2006|11:43 pm]
I have no evidence but myself.
Vamp-Clinger!
You scored and 75 vampbaitness!

Another vampire-lover. Be careful of mysterious strangers that you bump
into during the night. If you meet one, ask them straight-away if they
are a vampire. If they are, then you should probably run. Problem is,
you probably will choose not to run.



My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 63% on vampbaitness
Link: The Vampire Vulnerability Test written by xxloupdelunexx on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Dec. 28th, 2005|12:30 pm]
I have no evidence but myself.
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |"phone call" by the faint]

just a quick update.
im still alive haha.
i posted a books read list in my info, just for kicks.
if you still want to keep up with my life, check out my myspace: www.myspace.com/selfdestructedego. i dont update that much, either, but i update it more than this lj. eventually, i'll just delete this one. i dunno.
hope everyones holidays are going well.
later!
linkpost comment

cuz i can [Nov. 14th, 2005|10:44 am]
I have no evidence but myself.
[music |"humbled in love" by leonard cohen]

five years.....
Five years ago, it was Fall 2000

Take this quiz, post the results, and see how much things have changed since then.

5 years ago...

How old were you? 16

What grade were you in? 11th

Where did you go to school? Cumberland Valley

Where did you work? in fall of 2000? nowhere.

Where did you live? bowmansdale *gags* ...another month and id be in carlisle

Where did you hang out? my room

How was your hair style? kind of long but shaved on the sides and underneath

Did you wear braces? nahh

Did you wear glasses? always

Who was your best friend? probably ian

Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend? krysten

Who was your celebrity crush? not sure but probably kirsten dunst

Who was your regular-person crush? uhh?

Were you a virgin? no...

How many piercings did you have? maybe four? three in one ear, one in the other?

How many tattoos did you have? 2

What was your favorite band? stabbing westward or rorschach test

What was your biggest fear? going to school

Had you smoked a cigarette yet? took exactly one drag and said, and i quote, "fuck that"

Had you gotten drunk or high yet? no

Had you driven yet? only rarely...only had my permit

-----------------------------------------------
HA HA HA!!! LETS SEE WHAT YOU'RE like now!!!!!
---------------------------------------------

How old are you? 21

Whats your educational status? senior (year 1 of 2, hahaha)

Where do you go to school? kutztown university

Where do you work? tutor german on campus

Where do u live? on campus, but my actual home is in carlisle

Where do you hang out? at ku? library, dining hall, my room

How is your hair style? much shorter and more curly

Do you wear braces? nope

Do you wear glasses? of course

Who is your best friend? jason, april, amber, selina. shoot me, i chose four.

Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend? n/a...

Who is your celebrity crush? scarlett johansson

Still a Virgin? ...lets think about this.

How many piercings do you have? 8

How many tattoos do you have? 9 haha

What is your favorite band? leonard cohen or rammstein

What is your biggest fear? being a POW and tortured to death. dont ask.

Have you gotten drunk or high yet? still no

Have you driven yet? duh...but not all the time, only when i have to

*****

what a waste of time ^_^
link7 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Nov. 13th, 2005|02:42 am]
I have no evidence but myself.
banana
You are a banana! Good job, captain obvious.


which rejected character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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(no subject) [Nov. 11th, 2005|01:44 am]
I have no evidence but myself.
new poem here!Collapse )
linkpost comment

big news [Nov. 8th, 2005|03:03 pm]
I have no evidence but myself.
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |"stranger song (live)" by leonard cohen]

well, not that big.

im officially done with being an english ed major. instead im going to change to english lit with a minor in german, get my masters, and find a job teaching at the college level. if a teacher teaches, does a professor profess? i dont know...

anyway, i think im better suited for that scenario, for a variety of reasons i wont get into here. its more work, what with researching and publishing when not teaching, but im up for it. you know me...the writer. either way, i feel really good about this. im still going to be teaching, but it will be a different setting with a different age group and i like the sound of that.

thats all.
link3 comments|post comment

boondock saints 2, finally some new info! [Nov. 5th, 2005|04:39 pm]
I have no evidence but myself.
http://www.livejournal.com/community/ohnotheydidnt/3657904.html#cutid1
link3 comments|post comment

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