I have no evidence but myself.

because april is poetry month...

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 03:04:30 GMT

“Nothing” (James Fenton)
"I take a jewel from a junk-shop tray
And I wish I had a love to buy it for.
Nothing I choose will make you turn my way
Nothing I give will make you love me more.

I know that I've embarrassed you too long
And I'm ashamed to linger at your door.
Whatever I embark on will be wrong
Nothing I do will make you love me more.

I cannot work. I cannot read or write.
How can I frame a letter to implore.
Eloquence is a lie. The truth is trite.
Nothing I say will make you love me more.

So I replace the jewel in the tray
And laughingly pretend I'm far too poor.
Nothing I give, nothing I do or say,
Nothing I am will make you love me more."

*

“The Harlot's House” (Oscar Wilde)
We caught the tread of dancing feet,
We loitered down the moonlit street,
And stopped beneath the harlot's house.

Inside, above the din and fray,
We heard the loud musicians play
The "Treues Liebes Herz" of Strauss.

Like strange mechanical grotesques,
Making fantastic arabesques,
The shadows raced across the blind.

We watched the ghostly dancers spin
To sound of horn and violin,
Like black leaves wheeling in the wind.

Like wire-pulled automatons,
Slim silhouetted skeletons
Went sidling through the slow quadrille.

They took each other by the hand,
And danced a stately saraband;
Their laughter echoed thin and shrill.

Sometimes a clockwork puppet pressed
A phantom lover to her breast,
Sometimes they seemed to try to sing.

Sometimes a horrible marionette
Came out, and smoked its cigarette
Upon the steps like a live thing.

Then, turning to my love, I said,
"The dead are dancing with the dead,
The dust is whirling with the dust."

But she-she heard the violin,
And left my side and entered in:
Love passed into the house of lust.

Then suddenly the tune went false,
The dancers wearied of the waltz,
The shadows ceased to wheel and whirl.

And down the long and silent street,
The dawn, with silver-sandaled feet,
Crept like a frightened girl.

*

“Mad Girl's Love Song” (Sylvia Plath)
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

*

“In the Desert” (Stephen Crane)
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter – bitter", he answered,
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

*

“mind and heart” (Charles Bukowski)
unaccountably we are alone
forever alone
and it was meant to be
this way,
it was never meant to be
any other way—
and when the death struggle
begins
the last thing I wish to see
is
a ring of human faces
hovering over me—
better just my old friends,
the walls of my self,
let only them be there.

I have been alone but seldom
lonely.
I have satisfied my thirst
at the well
of my self
and that wine was good,
the best I ever had,
and tonight
sitting
staring into the dark
I now finally understand
the dark and the
light and everything
in between.

peace of mind and heart
arrives
when we accept what
is:
having been
born into this
strange life
we must accept
the wasted gamble of our
days
and take some satisfaction in
the pleasure of
leaving it all
behind.

cry not for me.

grieve not for me.

read
what I’ve written
then
forget it
all.

drink from the well
of your self
and begin
again.

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 01:33:59 GMT

holy shit...its been almost two months since i last updated. just a note to let you all know that im still alive. cuz i know you care, haha. seriously, im on myspace more than this...just not very often there, either. www.myspace.com/selfdestructedego.
word.

just for fun

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 22:22:01 GMT

Create your own Movie List @ HotFreeLayouts!

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 04:43:42 GMT

Vamp-Clinger!
You scored and 75 vampbaitness!

Another vampire-lover. Be careful of mysterious strangers that you bump
into during the night. If you meet one, ask them straight-away if they
are a vampire. If they are, then you should probably run. Problem is,
you probably will choose not to run.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 63% on vampbaitness

Link: The Vampire Vulnerability Test written by xxloupdelunexx on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 17:31:37 GMT

just a quick update.
im still alive haha.
i posted a books read list in my info, just for kicks.
if you still want to keep up with my life, check out my myspace: www.myspace.com/selfdestructedego. i dont update that much, either, but i update it more than this lj. eventually, i'll just delete this one. i dunno.
hope everyones holidays are going well.
later!

cuz i can

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 15:53:17 GMT

five years.....
Five years ago, it was Fall 2000

Take this quiz, post the results, and see how much things have changed since then.

5 years ago...

How old were you? 16

What grade were you in? 11th

Where did you go to school? Cumberland Valley

Where did you work? in fall of 2000? nowhere.

Where did you live? bowmansdale *gags* ...another month and id be in carlisle

Where did you hang out? my room

How was your hair style? kind of long but shaved on the sides and underneath

Did you wear braces? nahh

Did you wear glasses? always

Who was your best friend? probably ian

Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend? krysten

Who was your celebrity crush? not sure but probably kirsten dunst

Who was your regular-person crush? uhh?

Were you a virgin? no...

How many piercings did you have? maybe four? three in one ear, one in the other?

How many tattoos did you have? 2

What was your favorite band? stabbing westward or rorschach test

What was your biggest fear? going to school

Had you smoked a cigarette yet? took exactly one drag and said, and i quote, "fuck that"

Had you gotten drunk or high yet? no

Had you driven yet? only rarely...only had my permit

-----------------------------------------------
HA HA HA!!! LETS SEE WHAT YOU'RE like now!!!!!
---------------------------------------------

How old are you? 21

Whats your educational status? senior (year 1 of 2, hahaha)

Where do you go to school? kutztown university

Where do you work? tutor german on campus

Where do u live? on campus, but my actual home is in carlisle

Where do you hang out? at ku? library, dining hall, my room

How is your hair style? much shorter and more curly

Do you wear braces? nope

Do you wear glasses? of course

Who is your best friend? jason, april, amber, selina. shoot me, i chose four.

Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend? n/a...

Who is your celebrity crush? scarlett johansson

Still a Virgin? ...lets think about this.

How many piercings do you have? 8

How many tattoos do you have? 9 haha

What is your favorite band? leonard cohen or rammstein

What is your biggest fear? being a POW and tortured to death. dont ask.

Have you gotten drunk or high yet? still no

Have you driven yet? duh...but not all the time, only when i have to

*****

what a waste of time ^_^

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 07:42:37 GMT

You are a banana! Good job, captain obvious.

which rejected character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 06:44:49 GMT

Witnessing the Damned

Sadly I turned from the lyrics you scorned,
And crept like a prisoner into the weeds.
Afflicted by rhetoric sold as defense,
Sadly, I knelt to empower your needs.

Sadly I woke on the coattails of dreams
Which could offer no aid to my hopeful egress
From pursuit of ideals I could never fulfill.
Sadly I witnessed your hour of duress.

Sadly the rainfall was heavy as sin
And your heat of betrayal could not keep you warm.
Your teeth were like bullets in the fiery dusk.
Sadly, your promise was flighty as storm.

Sadly I prayed for a new type of calm
That would somehow allow me a minute’s respite
Or protection from prose that has poisoned my mind.
Sadly I buckled beneath your great might.

Sadly, I dimmed every light in the room
And prepared for the mourning I’d cup in my hands.
In the spirit of science they meant to forbid,
Sadly, I named my emotions and glands

Sadly succumbing to preordained roles,
They convinced me to eat of the wormwood and sage.
Thus poisoned by knowledge of what was to come,
Sadly, I greeted the cancer of age.

big news

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 20:06:17 GMT

well, not that big.

im officially done with being an english ed major. instead im going to change to english lit with a minor in german, get my masters, and find a job teaching at the college level. if a teacher teaches, does a professor profess? i dont know...

anyway, i think im better suited for that scenario, for a variety of reasons i wont get into here. its more work, what with researching and publishing when not teaching, but im up for it. you know me...the writer. either way, i feel really good about this. im still going to be teaching, but it will be a different setting with a different age group and i like the sound of that.

thats all.

boondock saints 2, finally some new info!

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 21:39:38 GMT

http://www.livejournal.com/community/ohnotheydidnt/3657904.html#cutid1

also in my profile...found in my lit crit class today

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 23:42:52 GMT

"Our culture has metamorphosed this idea of narrative, or writing, as something designed to ward off death. Writing has become linked to sacrifice, even to the sacrifice of life: it is now a voluntary effacement which does not need to be represented in books, since it is brought about in the writer's very existence. The work, which once had the duty of providing immortality, now possesses the right to kill, to be its author's murderer, as in the cases of Flaubert, Proust, and Kafka. That is not all, however: this relationship between writing and death is also manifested in the effacement of the writing subject's individual characteristics...the mark of the writer is reduced to nothing more than the singularity of his absence; he must assume the role of the dead man in the game of writing."
--Michel Foucault

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 04:03:28 GMT

just a note that i updated my profile. its still not very exciting, but hey.

books!

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 04:46:45 GMT

so i definitely just finished "november mourns," the new tom piccirilli book. i emailed him and told him how amazing it was (it definitely was), and that one of his older books, "a choir of ill children," got me into his work. and he definitely wrote me back within the hour.

wow.

rosa parks is dead at 92. she died yesterday.

no, she didnt get run over by a bus.

stolen from queerxcore

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 04:00:10 GMT

*Favorite Lyrics*
What is your favorite lyric by. . .
A Perfect Circle::	"I don't want to feel this overwhelming hostility"
AFI::	"Recognize one silent call as we all form one dark flame"
Bright Eyes::	n/a
Britney Spears::	n/a
Christina Aguilera::	n/a
Coldplay::	"Lights go out and I can't be saved"
Dashboard Confessional::	n/a
Evanescence::	"I want to die"
Eve 6::	"Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion"
Faith Hill::	n/a
Frankie J::	n/a
Hilary Duff:	n/a
Incubus:	"The world's a rollercoaster and I a'm not strapped in"
Jessica Simpson:	n/a
John Mayer::	"Never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it"
Joni Mitchell::	n/a
Kidney Thieves::	"Said I was an afterthought you'd bring along"
Lamb::	n/a
Lifehouse::	"I've got somebody else's thoughts in my head, I want some of my own"
Mandy Moore::	n/a
Michelle Branch::	n/a
Nirvana::	"Never speak a word again, I will crawl away for good"
Norah Jones::	n/a
Our Lady Peace::	"I walked around my good intentions and found that there were none, I blame my father for the wasted years"
Portishead::	n/a
Radiohead::	"I want to be someone else or I'll explode"
Rasputina::	"I give thanks today for the things I stole and all the things I gave away"
Sarah Brightman::	n/a
Sarah McLachlan::	n/a
Simple Plan::	n/a
Smashing Pumpkins::	"I'm in love with my sadness"
Something Corporate::	n/a
Taking Back Sunday:	n/a
The Cure::	"Like the pig on the stairs hanging in a groovy purple shirt"
Thursday::	n/a
Tori Amos::	"Built my own pretty hate machine"
The Used::	n/a
Vanessa Carlton::	n/a
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

a day early but close enough.

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 19:19:39 GMT

THE ULTIMATE SILENCE
October 12, 1998

Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts,
The impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves,
Then listen close to me ...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.

~ Shel Silverstein

Six years ago today, Matthew Shepard was murdered for being homosexual.

What will you do to end the silence?

Click here to post this on your own page or weblog

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 00:38:49 GMT

i wrote most of this today in my archetypal women class, and i finished it up tonight. a friend of mine said its nothing like what i usually write, and i agree. the rhyme scheme seems awkward on paper (or screen) but its to the rhythm of leonard cohens "the stranger song." i know most of you dont know that song...sorry...but anyway,

The Remembrance Song

You lose the day each time he tries
To leave before you realize
There’s really nothing left to risk your dreams for
You’re running out of time
You’ve tried so hard to find
A way to stop your failing will, but still it tends to lean more

And as you run the heavens weep
The secrets that you failed to keep
And even in the storm there’s no salvation
The seas deposit ghosts
On shores devoid of hosts
Who sheltered you a life ago from any new sensation

Each father figure you have known
Has disappeared yet somehow grown
Into a monster seen in every mirror
You know inside your mind
It’s you, but you can’t find
A way to turn away or tell yourself you do not fear her

You wonder when the sun goes down
If ever you’ll try on the gown
He made you swear you’d wear in times of passion
It seems so long ago
But you sit down to sew
The holes he tore each night before he graced you with his absence

There’s not much left to come home to
Your heart is under close review
There’s nowhere left to hide if you should falter
You know they can’t be far
You cannot disregard
The fear that they’ve prepared another trap, another altar

No records of your virtue live
You’ll find it’s easy to forgive
When there’s no other choice but to surrender
You kneel as if to pray
But what you want to say
Is shrouded in the ghosts of words you find you can’t remember

movie meme

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 15:57:39 GMT

i know this is a little late by now, but i wanted to post the answers to the movie meme i put up a little while ago. there were a lot of good responses, but ironically only april got all of them (she doesnt have an lj though, so she didnt post them). anyway, here they are.

1. ghost world
2. pulp fiction
3. young frankenstein
4. rules of attraction
5. the crow
6. interview with the vampire
7. hackers
8. anchorman
9. boondock saints
10. camp

damn. i want to watch camp now. i heart that movie <333333333

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 05:17:40 GMT

my back is killing me.
specifically, my lower back.
im dying?

school! w00t! (kind of)

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 01:07:30 GMT

todays linguistics class consisted of the prof (this is the big, kinda drunk looking guy) getting pissed bc he swore he told us to read chapter 10 for today, but he actually told us thursday instead. not tuesday. so not today. and i actually read it! but he used the quiz as a worksheet instead. damn. i couldve aced that bitch haha. then he went into how linguists "had orgasms" all over the country when they heard of siblings in CA who created their own language bc they were basically isolated. well it wasnt a new language, it was pidgen, or a hybrid of a language. their base language was german, thanks to the gma who would speak to them sometimes when she dropped off their food. nice woman. then he went into a rant about people saying sentences like "fuckin then we fuckin went to the fuckin store and fuckin he fuckin spent all his fuckin money and its fuckin..." his conclusion was that people who talk like that "are fuckin...sad." haha.

so i have an informal essay due tomorrow for literary criticism. ive decided that derrida is the antichrist. therefore his essays on binary opposition in deconstructivism must be the antichrists doctrines. fuckin A. just bc i had to suffer through writing this essay, im going to post it behind the cut and make you suffer as well haha. riiiiiight....just skim it. if you still have a pulse after the first paragraph, i'll give you a cookie.

Nick Beishline 09/27/05

Binary Opposition in “Mending Wall”

It seems that the most recurring instance of binary opposition in Robert Frost’s “Mending Wall” is that of unity and division, specifically as applies to human relationships or metaphors thereof. Throughout the entire poem there is a definite chain of images that illustrates both the bringing together and the separation of people. It is not accurate to say that the speaker and his companion are the only ones for whom this opposition is defined, however, as is seen later in the poem.

In the first line Frost drops the reader into a scene of division. He tells that “something there is that doesn’t love a wall/ that sends the frozen-ground-swell under it.” Right away we are shown that for every wall that is put up, there exists somebody who would rather tear it down. Walls separate, and some people would rather not be separated. Directly afterward, in lines four and seven, Frost speaks first of a gap in the rocks wide enough for two to pass shoulder to shoulder, then moves on to describe a place where not one stone was left. We can guess that there are no stones left at all, which, in a sense, deletes the binary opposition entirely. Without something to be separated or united with something else, where is the struggle?

Lines 13-15 tell of how the speaker and his neighbor meet to “walk the line…keep[ing] the wall between [them] as [they] go.” Upon first meeting, the wall probably did not divide them; as they begin their walk, however, they are certainly anything but unified. Frost gives no reason for this later division, other than that they moved into such a position that the wall divided them from the moment they reached it.

Line 24 compares the speaker and his neighbor to apple trees and pine trees, respectively; again, we are shown a division of sorts. In fact, the speaker declares on lines 25-26 that “My apple trees will never get across and eat the cones under his pines,” leading the reader to believe that unity from that point on is not just difficult but impossible. The neighbor’s response, “Good fences make good neighbors,” seems to strengthen this point: if neighbors are forcibly divided, they will become more compatible in the end, or perhaps simply remain so. This is a beautiful example of the primary binary opposition in “Mending Wall.” How, by being divided, can two people turn into better companions by that very division? Such a transformation would lead to unity, which in a sense dispels the separation altogether. This is the beauty of such a binary opposition: both sides are present at all times, but in a sense they nearly cancel each other out, leaving the very presence of both sides arbitrary.

Later in the poem, around lines 31-35, the speaker muses aloud that he would want to know what opposition he would encounter before even attempting to build a wall. This seems to demonstrate his tendency toward unity, while his companion’s rhetoric (“Good fences make good neighbors”) seems to lean more toward that of division. The irony is that both end up being united in the end anyway. Lines 36-37 leave the speaker unwilling to voice his opinion (that of elves), preferring instead that his neighbor come to the conclusion himself. Again, such division leads to unity, but this time their roles are reversed—it is the speaker who is choosing to remain divided and the companion who is expected to unite them instead.

Finally, the poem ends with the speaker unwilling to “go behind” his father’s saying, sticking instead to his “Good fences make good neighbors” rhetoric.

Whichever component of this binary opposition Frost meant to be the more powerful when he wrote “Mending Wall,” the tension is unmistakable and unlikely to be dispelled by logic, which in itself is somewhat arbitrary in such a setting in the first place. The unity/division opposition as shown here is a perfectly circular argument.

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 14:53:20 GMT

dreamed about the end of the world again...dont know why. this time zack and i were getting shit together to run to i dont know where, to get away from i dont know what (or whom). i know...really weird. oh well. i remember i was trying to get a leash for the cat.

memories

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 05:23:20 GMT

for no real reason tonight i went through some of my old old lj entries. seriously, some of these were from nearly five years ago. if i hadnt been there, i seriously wouldnt have believed that those words were written by the same person.

except i can.

thats contradictory i know, but its true. i cannot believe how far ive come, how stubborn i can be when i want or need to be.

theres really no point to this entry. im just going to go to bed now...nite.

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 04:21:31 GMT

Your LiveJournal Destiny

LiveJournal Username

What is your favorite fruit?

Can you taste the rainbow?

What RPG class would you be?

Mm... Donuts...

Su mama.

Which is the scariest?

How many hours a day do you spend online on average?

Do you fear the random?

Your future job:

IRS Agent

This person will be your assistant in your job:

blood_solution

You will make this much money:

$76,096

Suddenly, a rip in the space-time continuum opens and out pops:

_youraddiction_

Unless you help them, the world will explode in this much time:

To save the world, you need to:

Teach the villain how to love

The evil villain who tries to stop you is:

antipinkgrrrl

The chance you succeed is:

94%

This Fun Quiz created by Lynn at BlogQuiz.Net

Free ringtones and wallpapers! Click here!

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 04:12:50 GMT

we had kind of a movie weekend this weekend. i never knew rosario dawson was in "josie and the pussycats." keep in mind shes the one from "sin city" and "the devils rejects." major genre change there haha.

meme!

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 04:00:02 GMT

first, though, i definitely dreamed of the end of the world again last night. yeah. again. a couple of years ago i went through a phase where for like seven or eight nights straight i dreamed that i died, and each night i died in a different way. burned, fell from somewhere high, stabbed, shot, strangled, hanged, poisoned, beaten...i dont know. and every so often i would have dreams of the end of the world, too. this time it was from the sky. it wasnt really acid rain, but it was something like that...i dont have a better way of describing it. it seeped through the roof and gathered up on the ceilings, burned through it, and dripped down. for some reason i remember there were two kinds. one would burn through you, straight through, and the other kind would be absorbed by your skin and eat you from the inside out. i dont know. it was totally fucked up and i couldnt sleep well after that.

anyway, now that ive depressed you...
its meme time! (stolen from queerxcore.)
1. Pick ten films you love/thoroughly enjoy.
2. Find screen stills for each film.
3. See how many of them your friends get correct.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

april and i ran around today after brunch, it was fun. we went to young ones first, thats the mostly indie music store in town that sells a lot of used cds and dvds. we got some things, went to weis, and came back here to make dinner. it was chicken, corn, green peppers and onions, and string beans. then i made mashed potatoes! from scratch! haha i peeled those bitches and mashed the shit out of them when they were soft. april told me what to do of course, bc i wouldnt have known cuz i suck at cooking, but they came out good. the stir fry stuff had kind of like an herb garlic dressing on it, it was good. it was fun!

k thats all. aprils sleeping and im going to watch the rest of "the dangerous lives of altar boys." <33

corpse bride, etc.

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 03:10:12 GMT

april and i went tonight to see "the corpse bride." wow...it was a really good movie :) to anyone else whos seen it: did you find the end of the movie as sad as we did? i definitely wasnt expecting it.

i want to watch "nightmare before christmas" now. oh well.

i started tutoring german this week. its been a good experience...ive always liked tutoring (if you remember, i did a year and a half tutoring english at community college). i have three from german I, one from german II, and one from german III. so yeah, its a full load but thats okay :)

but anyway. after the movie we visited the mall, just to walk around and see whats been going on. i thought it was just my imagination, but one of my roommates just voiced the same sentiment that i have about that mall: if youre not black or hispanic, you kind of stand out. i dont mean that in a racist way at all, its just an observation. nevertheless, we ate at arbys and stopped at a few stores, where i picked up a couple of books, one of which is going to be an xmas gift for my gfather. april found a rocky horror picture show trivia game at spencers! its like trivial pursuit, only rockin, cuz its rhps. my mom wanted to answer some questions on the phone tonight, haha. we're bringing it home with us over columbus day weekend, which i believe is in two weeks or something.

my "pulp fiction" dvd came in the mail today. gotta love cheap preowned entertainment.

oh! so yeah my father really is a liar. ive always known it, but check this out. in fourth or fifth grade he gave me a cassette tape that he said was from his brother, whos a musician in new york. (my dads a failed musician, and his brother is only a step or two above him on the success ladder.) so yeah for just over a decade ive believed that it was a demo tape from his brother and the musicians hes worked with. its basically a compilation of old jazz and blues covers. well, the other day i was looking around online, trying to find the lyrics to some of the songs, and lo and behold, what do i find on amazon.com? "goin back to new orleans" by dr. john. its a compilation of cover songs dr. john did of new orleans-based jazz and blues. and wow!--same track listing, sound clips provided by the site are the exact same as the songs on the cassette ive had for years and years, thinking it really was my dads brother on piano. hes nowhere in the credits. to the best of my knowledge, hes never even played with anyone around the new orleans area.

furthermore, my father is back in PA. after abandoning his latest wife, leaving her to struggle with four young children, two of which are HIS, he moved up to NY to live with his mother. till she kicked him out. then he moved in with his brother. then back to his mother. etc. etc. 50 years old and hes never held a job for more than six months at a time. so he back in PA and zack has lunch with him at hooters, which is fine because if my brother can forgive him for the shit hes pulled, more power to him. im just bitter i guess. so he tells my brother that he called me the other day and i said "why are you calling me?" and hung up on him. i only wish that had happened. he called me months and months ago, trying to get ahold of my brother, and the cell connection cut out and i never bothered calling him back. he didnt call me a few days ago, thats bullshit.

but whatever.

think happy thoughts. pulp fiction on dvd. <333 my vhs is about dead.

dunno what else to talk about. i got a marilyn monroe magnet at the mall today. its hot shit. i paid for aprils ticket tonight and she bought my dinner at arbys. hooray for good things!

rhps is almost over, so im going to go. later!